Precursor
The mental health memo of the day is: OCD isn’t a cute, quirky thing to call yourself because you like to be organized. It’s a real mental illness and it needs to be taken seriously. So here are some AMAZING OCD tips & tricks to help you not just survive but thrive with OCD.
Today’s post is really exciting because we have a guest!
Caitlin Lagnese is a women’s mental health & wellness blogger based outside of Cleveland, Ohio. Her blog is called ReelChat and it’s all about ditching the highlight reel mentality one post at a time. ReelChat was developed by the guiding principles of trust, open-mindedness, and acceptance. The community exists to support and uplift fellow chatters and provide a safe place to voice your struggles and seek guidance. They participate in raw and meaningful conversations. Please check them out at reelchat.net! ️
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It has been an absolute pleasure working with Caitlin and she has brought so much life, expertise, and knowledge to this topic, so let’s get right into it!
The Post: 16 Life-Changing OCD Tips & Tricks:
A huge thank you to Tsvetty for letting me come on this wonderful blog and share a little bit of my story! These types of communities are so important!
It all started with a tree. I was 7. I had this special tree at one of my favorite playgrounds. I would pray at this tree. Sounds lovely, right? Well not exactly. I would obsessively pray at this tree because I was so afraid of going to hell. It’s all I thought about.
First, it started with a tree, and then it moved into my home. I began obsessively showering and telling myself that when I stepped outside of the tub, I would be cleansed of all my sins and be perfect. Talk about a 7-year-old setting herself up for failure.
The obsessions started with religion and then morphed into routines and a desperate need for order; it didn’t turn out to be just a phase. I remember vividly being at a drug store with my parents and standing in line rearranging all the candy so that it fits properly in their boxes. I would not leave that store until all the candy was nicely assembled. Everything in my world had to fit perfectly into this neat little box.
As soon as I hit puberty my obsessive thoughts and behaviors only got worse. I was obsessive about writing schedules and sticking to them. I mean I had minute by minute planned. I had schedules for schedules. It was also around this time my obsessive-compulsive need to be liked surfaced. I would go to great lengths to gain validation and worth through my peers.
It wasn’t until 2014 that I received a diagnosis of OCD. I never once thought about having OCD because I always thought that was more for people who were obsessed with washing their hands, for people who had obsessive habits such as touching a doorknob over and over. Once I did my own research on OCD, it all began to make sense.
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, commonly referred to as OCD, is when excessive thoughts (obsessions) lead to repetitive behaviors (compulsions), usually characterized by unreasonable thoughts and fears.
I can remember a wave of relief coming over me because at last, I knew I had a diagnosis and could seek the proper treatment. Unfortunately due to PTSD I was silently suffering from which stemmed from a sexual trauma that occurred in college, my OCD became much worse before it got better. I learned years later that PTSD and depression only intensify OCD. Thankfully, once I dealt with the PTSD, my OCD became much more manageable.
So what does OCD look like for me today?
I mainly obsess about routine, cleanliness/organization, and perfectionism. I have a really hard time leaving dishes in my sink for more than 20 minutes. I have a hard time being spontaneous and doing something that hasn’t been on my calendar for weeks. I have a hard time when I get off of my routine and schedule for the day because well, life happens.
I have a hard time going into a Walmart and not reorganizing and cleaning the aisles. I have a hard time not constantly cleaning up after my children and not brushing my teeth just perfectly. I have a hard time accepting that people don’t always like me. I have a hard time truly accepting that I will never be perfect at anything.
Really it’s a lot of little things but those little things add up. It’s exhausting.
After years of extensive therapy, I have gained quite a few tools to add to my OCD toolbox that I would love to share with all of you. All of my tips and tricks are also good for overall mental health.
My Top OCD Tips & Tricks
1: Therapy
The number 1 resource for me will always be therapy. Therapy (specifically Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) plays a major role in my mental health. Depending on what season I’m in, sometimes I’m in therapy weekly and other times it’s monthly. Therapy is my safe space and allows me to take the time to really be honest with myself and my feelings.
2. Psychiatry
Checking in with my psychiatrist is a must. This is so very important as my psychiatrist prescribes all of my mental health medication. I make sure to see my doctor every 3-6 months for check-ins and to see if we need to change any medicine or medication dosages. For me, working both with a therapist and psychiatrist is vital.
3. Medicine
As I mentioned above, I take mental health medication. I am on an antidepressant as well as a mood stabilizer. Both of these medications have really helped me live a fuller and happier life.
I know medicine can be a controversial topic and I also acknowledge that it’s not for everyone, but for me, it works. I look at it no differently than if I had to take a blood pressure medication or an inhaler for Asthma. My mind gets the same medical attention that the rest of my body gets.
4. Practicing Daily Gratitude
This one is HUGE for me. I started a daily gratitude practice a few years back and while I do miss a day here or there, I really make it a point to try and write down 5 things I’m grateful for each day. When you start practicing daily gratitude you slowly start looking for it, especially during hard days.
Just the other day I caught myself obsessing over my mortality. A workout friend of mine recently passed away unexpectedly. She was my age. I could not stop thinking about what that must be like. I kept thinking about what my husband would do, how my kids would react. This then led me to start wanting to control a situation that in fact hasn’t happened, and hopefully won’t happen anytime soon.
To calm me down, I stopped everything I was doing and wrote down the 5 things I was thankful for that day. My list went as follows: my wonderful and rich life, my amazingly supportive hubby, my two sweetheart children, my mom who is such a role model for me, and my girlfriends who keep me grounded and laughing.
My mind quickly shifted to all the wonderful things I have to focus on while I am alive, instead of focusing and obsessing about my mortality.
5. Eliminating Toxicity
Think about the people in your circle. Think about your habits, attitude, and self-esteem. It took me years to really examine my inner circle and admit I was allowing certain people to treat me poorly. My tribe now is filled with people who challenge me and make me better; they treat me with kindness and respect.
Eliminating toxicity goes even deeper than our personal relationships with others. I am also talking about the negative ways we may feel about our bodies, what we are viewing on social media, how addicted we can become to our devices.
For me the key is awareness. I try to always be mindful of what is sparking joy in my life and what is causing me stress. Stress for me equals OCD overload.
6. Support
Support, support, support! I cannot say it enough! This really goes right alongside eliminating toxicity.
Having the right people in your corner can make all the difference, especially when you are going through a particularly hard time with your mental health. From therapists and psychiatrists to supportive family members and amazing friends, these people matter.
I really make it a point to choose these people wisely. My support system is there for me through thick and thin and I can count on them to be truthful with me as sometimes I can’t even tell when I am going down an OCD spiral.
7. Accepting Help
Is it so hard for me to ask for and accept help? Who do I think I am, Wonder Woman, God? Whenever I am struggling with my depression or OCD, I try to remember that it’s perfectly okay to ask for some extra help from family and friends.
Along with accepting help comes accepting the form of help. When someone helps me with the dishes or laundry, they don’t need to do it exactly how I do. The world won’t crumble beneath me because the shirts are folded differently.
It all boils down to control. I don’t need to control every little thing. Be appreciative and grateful that you are receiving help.
8. Cleanliness and Organization
So part of my obsessions revolves around cleanliness and organization. I used to find that aggregating but now I truly embrace it. For me, it comes down to feeling like my home is my sanctuary, my safe place. When I am in a place that is chaotic, not clean, unorganized, I tend to feel foggy and disoriented. I thrive off of order and organization.
It may seem a bit odd but every item in my home has a place and a purpose. You will not find much clutter in my home. You won’t find clothes that I am holding onto that I haven’t worn since high school or toys my kids haven’t touched in 5 years. If it doesn’t have a place, is not practical, and doesn’t spark joy, it has to go. Less is more right?
Of course, I keep things of sentimental value but I don’t keep things just to keep them. The big thing to remember here is that we should only be controlling what’s actually in our control. I’m not going into other peoples’ homes and organizing their belongings. I’m no longer organizing the candy aisle at Walgreens, though don’t think I don’t think about it. Boundaries Caitlin, boundaries.
9. Giving up control
As you have probably noticed, I have used the word control A LOT. My OCD is centered around control. It took me years to really admit that I am indeed a control freak. I really have to watch this.
I naturally try to control the narrative around me. If someone is in a hard season and opens up to me, it’s hard for me sometimes to just listen. What I want to do is come up with a game plan. I want to make it all better. That’s not my job.
If I ask someone to do something for me and it isn’t done when I think it should or how it should be done, I have to remind myself that it’s okay, it doesn’t matter. It’s not that I’m not appreciative of the help. I’m just the complete opposite of a procrastinator.
I am constantly telling myself, “Caitlin, we are all different. It’s okay that your kids want to do this differently. It’s okay that Jackie isn’t ready to get help.” I always come from a place of love but that doesn’t mean it’s okay to control everything and everyone around me. I have come a long way in this department but I am still a work in progress.
10. Alone time
I’m extremely extroverted. I thrive off of other people. I am also an only child who desperately needs her alone time. I can read a room. I have an uncanny ability to feel other peoples’ energies. While I love to secretly work a room, I can easily become overwhelmed. Sometimes ignorance really is bliss.
Because of my OCD, it’s easy for me to go down a rabbit hole of wanting to be the helper, wanting to “save” someone. I will completely neglect myself and my needs. It’s a mixture of me projecting my own worries and fears onto them all while simultaneously pushing my problems and feelings to the side. Typically when this happens my husband will take notice and gently pull me back to reality. This is when I know I need to spend some time alone.
Lately, I’ve been trying to make a habit of taking myself on dates once a month. I will go for a walk by myself or grab a coffee and walk around Target. While at times it feels uncomfortable to sit with our feelings, it is really important to feel them, to deal with them.
11. Blessing your body
It sounds corny and I’m sure I first heard this term from one of the many self-help books I’ve read. When I say, “bless your body,” I simply mean eating right and exercising!
Whenever I am in a downwards spiral I tend to overeat or simply eat the wrong kinds of food. It’s purposeful. It makes me feel better for about 10 minutes and then we all know what happens next. SHAME. Hours and hours of shame. Now I’m not saying that going out for your favorite burger or eating some yummy ice cream from time to time is bad. It’s a more-or-less balance.
I really try to monitor what goes into my body because it doesn’t take long for me to go on a binge. Working out is also a wonderful way to bless your body and get those endorphins flowing. I have never once regretted a workout. When I am eating decent and working out, my OCD seems to be much more manageable.
12. Honesty
As I have mentioned before, whenever I am in a particularly hard season, my OCD tends to flair up. At times I deny or run away from my true feelings. I can’t stand that about me. I have come a long way but I would not say I have mastered the art of honesty quite yet.
Everyone around me can tell when I’m really struggling with my OCD. I have schedules for schedules, lists upon lists, and my controlling side comes out. I try to control everyone’s emotions without even knowing. The struggle would be so much easier if I would just admit my brain is in overdrive and I need to take a step back.
13. Spirituality and Meditation
This will look different for everyone. For me, this looks like church on Sundays, devotionals, quiet time for prayer, yoga, and meditation a few times a week. It comes down to mindfulness and humility.
If I can stay grounded and rooted in my faith, then I can better handle my mental health. This doesn’t have to be organized religion or hot yoga for 2 hours a day. We all come from different backgrounds, ethnicities, cultures, and beliefs. Do what works for you and what will best serve your mental health.
14. Breaking Routines
Yes, it’s true. I sometimes force myself to break a routine. It’s hard. It’s uncomfortable. It’s also important.
Sometimes this looks like moving an item on my daily to-do list to the next day. Sometimes it looks like leaving a chore or errand for the next day. I try to do one load of laundry Monday through Friday. Sometimes if I have a busy day or I’m not feeling good, I’ll skip a load for that day.
While that probably wouldn’t phase most, I’d be lying in bed thinking about how I now HAVE to do 2 loads tomorrow and obsessing about fitting it in. However, by not doing the load of laundry I’m challenging the OCD and telling it that not following a routine to a T is okay.
15. Living in the Moment
Lately, I’ve been trying to live more in the moment, especially for my kids. Random day at the lake. Random picnic at the park. Impromptu day in Amish country.
It definitely is not second nature to me but I notice that the more I force myself to be more spontaneous, the more comfortable it becomes!
16. Checking in With Myself
I saved this one for last because it’s really one of the most important for me. As annoying as it can be at times, I am constantly checking in with myself. I am constantly reflecting upon my day, my week, my month. I guess you could say I obsessively check in but that is one of the obsessions that serves me well.
I try to take monthly mental health days. I try to challenge myself by going a few days without obsessively slaving over routines. Self-awareness and mindfulness really are my two biggest takeaways from this post.
I leave you with this food for thought…
OCD is not just neatness.
It is not just cleanliness.
It is not fun or funny.
It is not strange or silly either.
OCD is having to repeat tasks over and over again just to lessen anxiety.
It is having two brains, one rational and one irrational.
It is these two brains constantly at war.
Let’s end the romanization of OCD.
Let’s end the stigma!!!
Conclusion
Thank you again to Caitlin for this vulnerable but necessary piece! Make sure to check her blog out, and leave a comment below as to what your favorite tip was. I’ll see you in the next one!
All my love,
T
Great insight! OCD is sometimes viewed as a useful or beneficial disorder. But those who think they “could use a touch of OCD” have no idea the strangle hold of control it has on those who have it or how exhausting it can be to be driven by an obsessive thought spiral. I’m sure your strategies can help others!
Totally agree with you on that narrative of OCD. It’s really destructive and helps perpetuate false representations of OCD. Thanks for your comment 🙂